he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
