Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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