I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
