Welp...herpes.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
