i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
