My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
