He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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