I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
