How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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