I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
