i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize