All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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