remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This baby is an asshole
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
