There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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