I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
