Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
