She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
