i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
