I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
