I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
