Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
