dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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