I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
