i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
