He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
