i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize