my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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