I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i now understand why vodka
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
