The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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