So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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