if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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