kristin has been a bad kristin
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
