God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I just sharted jello shots
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
