I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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