i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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