The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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