I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I look better un-naked...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
