this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
