True but thats because hes a fetus.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
