At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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