You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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