I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
