he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think I have vodka in my lungs
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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