i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
