I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
