I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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