FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
