it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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