Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
