Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
