you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
