love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
