she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize