Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We had to coat check the pizza.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
