could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
