So drunk its hurt
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
