you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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