guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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