Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
