addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize