she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
