dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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