the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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