this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
