Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
