i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
either way he was missing a nipple.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
