Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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