im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
