I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
there's paper in my vomit.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
