he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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