there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
