Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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