his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
