We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize